Dear Neighbor

This email correspondence between two new neighbors may be one of the funniest things I have ever stumbled upon. Mr. Thorne, you deserve an award.

funny neighbor email exchange


Disclaimer: I am not the author of this hysterical correspondence. I am simply sharing something I find funny that I believe should be read by all. There was no copyright infringement intended. Find the original here.

208 thoughts on “Dear Neighbor

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  10. Geez, how hard would it be for this guy Justin to turn the light a little so it doesn’t shine into the guy’s BR window.? What a prick. But David should have first knocked on his door to try and resolve the issue peacefully instead of going on the guy’s property. Both were wrong to an extent but Justin is clearly the bigger dick.

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  12. hahahhahahaha LMAO and ROTF. This has made my day. He is the most tolerant and funny neighbour I have ever read about 🙂 high five!

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  14. For those confused about the Austria comment, I am pretty sure that was intentional not ignorance. Check out the first scene in DUMB AND DUMBER and it will make sense. That aside, this bloke is side splittingly funny. The link to the F26- A complaint forms is a top read. Particularly like the one about the swimming lessons.

    • Just re- reading this, sent by my daughter sometime last year. Am wasting time whilst languishing in hospital and every time I see the word Win I automatically think it’s for me! Win G.

      • Yeah this is funny each time you reread it! Hope you are out of the hospital and feeling better!

  15. gave me a wonderful and much needed laugh. Thanks for sharing. I find this particularly amusing as I live in the woods (and not in a gated wooded community). We used to give our bedroom to honored guests thinking it would be a treat (house on cliff top, French doors from bedroom to wrap around porch, great view from bedroom, wonderful summer night sounds). It invariably freaked them out. Afraid of possum and raccoons, I guess.

  16. Hilarious !!! Haven’t laughed so much in a long time ! Beautiful example of Aussie humour ! Thanks for sharing !

  17. Holy shit that’s amazing!! I wish I payed attention in writing class to address people as classy as this Aussie chap. Good work !

  18. Completely agree though, you shouldn’t have copied his stuff – you could have asked him if you could link back to his site or repost. This is why most art and comedy now comes in the form of advertising. It’s simply not worth creating stuff nowadays. I won’t put my web address on here – just in case…

  19. ou habite David, je veut habiter a côte de lui, je m”ennuii dans mon petit hameau, mais j’ai des serpents, des renards et des crapauds dans mon jardin. I translate for the few who doesn’t understand french I want to live next to David, I am ennoying myself in my hamlet but I have snakes , foxes and toads in my garden

  20. I wonder why Ryan moved away after 5 happy years across the road. I can see a spinoff sitcom about the early years before the wildlife infestation required the floodlight in this. I live in Australia (not Austria) and our Dominos don’t make an Artisan Tuscan Salami Pizza, I guess it would have salami on it but the rest of the ingredients are a mystery. Are they nice?

  21. “Mr. Thorne, you deserve an award.” Mr Thorne also deserves to have his website referenced in your post; otherwise you are just ripping him off.

  22. If you all think this is hilarious, you should come and meet my neighbour actually in Australia! I am trained in conflict resolution though that hasn’t seemed to help! He denies flooding my property at the same time of me taking a video of the water running down the hill from his land onto my driveway causing lakes of water, after his ‘knock down, rebuild.’ No drainage required, he says! I am practising breathing and detachment. Guess what? Its not working!

  23. That was the funniest set of letters I have ever read! I wish everyone talked things out this rationally! There would be a lot more hugging and a lot of laughing!

  24. I enjoyed reading the comments almost as much as the piece. Here in Canada, we tend to avoid confronting people directly. At our recreational property last summer, a person from Texas moved in and promptly raised the state flag of Texas on his lot. No one here does something so obnoxious as this so we chose to believe the poor sap didn’t know any better. So the concern about the new resident’s obvious lack of social skills was passed around until someone not directly concerned kindly mentioned to the offending party that someone in the neighbourhood felt the flag was inappropriate. It didn’t take long for the flag to be taken down and was never seen again. The most amazing part for some Americans to believe is that not one person felt the need to arm themselves with megatons of ammunition to get the matter resolved.

  25. How about you ignorant neighbor, get a big dog to keep you safe and get rid if that great big mf light shining in your neighbor’s bed room window…how ignorant you are.

    • Sheesh, Patricia, did you miss the entire reason this was posted? It was an amusing little anecdote, not meant to get you so angry about an obtuse neighbor. Now, who is being ignorant here?

  26. Laughed til I cried. Took a while to read due to wiping away the tears from laughing so hard. This is so healthy when uncontrolable laughter invades your system. We need more laughter like THIS!

  27. All I can say David is Brilliant! I had a similar problem and kept putting socks over the light. Cost me a fortune. I had to start taking them from another neighbours wash line but that’s a totally different dispute.

  28. Mr. Thorne, you can come to a BBQ in Belgium anytime and I’ll gladly ship my lawn-mower if you have the need for it because you shed an enormous amount of light on my day! (or shouldn’t I use light in this context? 😉 Truly h i l a r i o u s!!! Again: thank you!!!

  29. I found this whole thing totally amusing. Haven’t laughed this hard in years. Thanks to all of you for you additional comments which were just as hilarious. Just remember, some people just don’t have a sense of humour. I didn’t think I did.

  30. Sorry to buck the trend, but David Thorne seems to be an obnoxious ass. He’s trying too hard to be hilarious but just comes across as a total dick. He could have dealt with this in a much better way. It makes me sad that so many people on here see him as some sort of hero, when his main aim seems to be winding this guy up.

    • having my own issues with neighbours, I rather deal with someone being hilarious than rude. That’s the difference of solving the situation by discussion or by violence – and there you get sooner than later if you’re rude to each other. On the other hand, I would get irritated, too, if someone literary took away the disturbing matter on my property without talking to me first about it.

  31. I now want to meet David Thorne. He will be the FIRST and only man on my FB friends list. If I weren’t happily married I would be in love with him. As it is I now have a crush on a man I have never met. This is completely amazing and I WANT TO MEET THIS PERSON!!!! (and my stomach now hurts from laughing so hard…..) Ow.

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  33. Justin’s claims and arrogance, sprinkled with the odd error are vaguely reminiscent of Best Western’s customer service department to my more or less Davidian letters pointing out their errors in service, then their errors in logic. Be strong David, you are outnumbered,not only by Justins who seem to come by their attitudes naturally, but also by Justinian creatures with company-provided training in it and in expressing it.

  34. someone sent me this thread from our astronomy club.. as I went through a similar issue. I tried to work with the power commission (re installation) and they said it was a request of their customer… to which I pointed out I am a customer as well as the other folks surrounding this one neighbour. I tried to work with the neighbour but he was a thick stick. It was sort of reverse of the above in that I had lived here for 8yrs longer (whatever that means) vs the flood light guy and his light was shining into my children’s room and into our main bathroom.
    I ended up looking up a torte law which was regarding ‘the inability of enjoying your property’ and being interested in astronomy and part of the National Society I chose to give up on the common sense concerns and revert to the law…
    remove the light or both the power commission and the property owner would be subject to monthly fines until it is removed so I can go outside and do my observing with my telescope.
    Funny they have common sense rule for loud music and trespassing and in some places even trash/vehicles on adjacent properties but nothing for light pollution although it is equally as bad as noise pollution…. but falls on ‘deaf ears’ of ‘just go buy some blinds’… Well you know what… it is my house and I dont want my neighbour to tell me what to put up in my house and if I want to look out my window I should be permitted to do so without being called a bad neighbour for complaining. At the start of the whole thing I even offered to have an electrician come and install proper lighting along his driveway at my cost if done within 30 days vs the dusk to dawn light. He obviously said no for many years and we also got into the ‘do not talk to me talk through my lawyer’ and then he nor his wife would tell me his lawyer’s name so I served them so they would have to respond with changing the light to keep the light on their property or with their lawyer’s contact info which would have been much more expensive option for them.

  35. …and this is too damn trivial, and to waste precious electricity, physical energy, reflective materials just to prove a point? Harness that energy to YOUR advantage. Oh, and you poor folks I the UK… so sorry they took your Longarms & Sidearms away. We don’t roll that way here in San Antonio TX.
    We are responsible respectable, reasonable, law abiding, and are offered opportunity to have CHL’s. We like our shooting here. Good Fences make good Neighbors. Niff Said, Doc Out.

  36. FOOKIN’ NEW ENGLANDERS! I love it.! Now this is what takes petty neighbor rivalry to it’s lowest.
    Mass-A–Nutts… Well done. If it were me, I just call him out in the night, that way if he had stones, I’d hear ’em bangin. Don’t Fook with an American Veteran, a Scot or an Aussie. We Laugh at mindless silly shite like this.

  37. OMG I laughed till I cried and have the same response every time I re read it…..which is often….Thanks you:)

  38. This all seems to be stemming from the name of the place. Massanutten in Justin’s brain department and Massanutten in the neighborly heart department= Mass-a-nutts encountered to write home about!

  39. Hahaha, I lived in Australia ….fuck off to Austria? hahahaha…Sorry, that part got to me the most..

  40. David has a good and well thought out point. Why on earth would you repost David’s hilarious material without CREDITING THE BASTARD THAT WROTE IT? How hard would it have been to provide a link to Thorne’s site, ?

    Simply saying “I am simply a nobody blogger reposting. There was no copyright infringement intended” doesn’t somehow magically absolve you of copyright infringement which you have committed! You might as well have posted “I am a nobody blogger simply trolling for more hits, and am either too lazy to find out who wrote this, or too dishonest to credit him.”

  41. funniest thing I have ever read.I did ponder what the hell we would do if a neighbour set up a huge gigawatt floodlight.Somone said shoot at it.Well Sadly in England we aren’t allowed guns.Guess we carnt be trusted not to shoot each other .Air rifles well you can own one, but they can not be sent through the post.You have to get one from a local gun dealer.Catch 22 most have gone out of business when they banned guns.Then It dawned on me.The clue was in” retaliation lighting” You can get mirrored privacy film and stick that to your windows,that would reflect the light back.Plus a few parabolic mirrors in the garden, catching neighbours light and sending it back,like a lazer.You could have a little fun and have cut out shapes lenses etc.Just like a Victorian magic lantern.That would cause sillouettes images etc to shine through there curtains and onto the offending neighbours interior walls.You could have words like turn the light off.Or other pleasentries.Your imagination would be your limit.If it all went to court.Can you imagine standing in the dock and saying your honour I was mearly being eco friendly and catching my neighbours unused light and sending it back to them.Rather than use emails to tell them to turn there light off.which would use electricity.I mearly redistributed his light, to put that six foot message on his bedroom wall.Reminding him to turn his light off.All the best from the u.k. don’t forget to give us some points next Eurovision song contest chaps.Paul

    • if you’re in the UK and you’ve a nuisance light problem, talk to your local Environmental Health officer: The Environmental Protection Act 1990 nuisance provisions allow them to take action if they consider it a statutory nuisance.

      [but it won’t give you as much of a laugh as the original post]

  42. I especially like the comment about the people with Down syndrome, hilarious. I love every joke made about them.

  43. A friend told me to look this up because it reminded him of me. Funniest blog I’ve read in a while. Thanks for posting. 🙂

  44. If everyone handled disputes with the same intelligence, humor and patience, the world would be a better place. I laughed till I cried- thank you for that!

  45. If everyone handled disputes with the same intelligence and humor, the world would be a better place. Thank you for that- I laughed till I cried!

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  47. If, as your disclaimer states, you are “not the author of this hysterical correspondence,” and “There was no copyright infringement intended,” why didn’t you post a link to the original page? That seems like kind of a dick move…

  48. “humerus”? I think you mean Humourous, or maybe Humorous (if you’re a merkin), unless you’re talking about your funny bone that is. Oh, and ‘Brazil’ was Terry GILLIAM’s film. Do pay attention.

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  51. Australians are far better educated than Americans … so funny … and on a deeper level illustrates the common American delusion they can do what they want without consequence. I’m very happy a fellow Australian was able to spin the American so …

    • It’s much more about the blind illteracy that permeates every opinion about who is a TRUE American and those who unfortunately are not so defined whether they have a right to be there and breathe the same air. I think David Thorne is much like George Carlin…I love it! Thorne is a genius. See how easily a simple dispute can escalate if not managed with honesty, humillity and integrity? Mission accomplished, David!!

      You Auissies are not just great at cricket, eh? and you are not all packing Dundee knives? What a shock!!!

    • I’m sorry if I’m being ignorant, but how is it offensive? From my experience, those with Down Syndrome are amazingly happy people and love giving and receiving hugs from pretty much everyone. How is stating that (in a round-about way) offensive?

      • It would be fine if he was talking about people with Down’s. What he’s actually doing is comparing his neighbours’ friendliness to Down’s syndrome, which is pretty offensive.

  52. We had a neighbor who had one of those lights which shined into the hall window across from our bedroom door. We closed the door and the light shining in through the cracks around the door looked like an alien abduction was getting ready to take place. I never said anything to the neighbors. I wish I had read this back then!

  53. Brilliant…David…the sort of bloke I’d like to share a beer with…Justin, the guard I’d like on my gate.

  54. ahh this is what you get when you mix uptight self righteous americians with practical friendly problem solving australians. In austraila they would have probably bought beer and taken the flood light out into the bush and spotted some wild life and then come screaming out like little girls and been the best of mates. If both americian with the same attitiude someone would have made money, lawyers, police and the search lite company and who ever else could have created misery and weath

    • As an aussie I have to disagree. If there was beer to drunk no way are we wasting our time to spot animals. Beer first then spotlights forgotten

    • My guess is there will soon be a post of the email exchange between David and the owner of this site that ends with the owner of this site in tears.

      Ripping off Dabid Thorne without attribution… Brave.

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  56. Thank you, had the best laugh. I work in a camp setting 90 km. in the bush building a hydro dam we all have our own rooms but the walls are very thin and due to my laughing this loud security is now here to give me a reprimand I now have to go to H.R. Thank you David

  57. Anyone notice the reference to Terry Graham’s movie “Brazil”? Hint: it’s in his email address. (though it should say “stroke” instad of “slash.”

      • Think you’re being a little oversensitive there….he’s not saying anything against Down Syndrome…….Blimey, always one or two people who grab hold of something just to try to make a point!

      • He indicated that people with Down’s Syndrome tend to hug. Hugs aren’t nice? I’m fond of them, at least when from certain parties.

    • “I’m not surprised you get along with all the other neighbours. If you put fifty children with Down’s Syndrome in a room there is going to be a lot of hugging.” He’s comparing his neighbours to those with a disability. Yes, they may be more affectionate than others, but he could be a bit more creative with his comparisons. Is he trying to insult his neighbour by comparing him to those with DS? I think so. Enjoyed it a bit until I read that. Another ignorant comment to join the 000s of others I read. *yawn*

      • I agree. As someone who knows and loves a child with Downs Syndrome, I took offense to this remark. Nasty and ignorant!!

      • Weirdly I read that bit as a dig at people living in gated communities being very similar i.e. unusually scared of people and requiring further protection despite the armed protection already in place. I think you are being too politically correct. I hear lots of un PC stuff about people with schizophrenia. Does that upset you to the same extent? This whole piece made me laugh till the tears came.

    • John laughed that my .22 caliber handgun was worthless.
      Hiking in the forest, we surprized a grizzly bear with cubs.
      Instantly she took off after us.
      John nearly knocked me down as he turned and fled.
      The grizzly was catching up to us.
      John was ahead of me as I managed to get my .22 out, take careful aim, and fire just one perfectly-placed shot!
      Hit in the leg, John fell to the ground.
      That .22 saved my life!

      • David, thank you for giving me a giggle and keeping the Aussie sense of humour alive and well, alas it appears that the idea of humour is lost on your neighbour…I see many years of mileage from this titbit….

  58. The house next door to us is for sale….or is it sold? Dunno but if the new neighbours plant a floodlight, I’m gonna ‘borrow’ these emails….sooooo funny! Love it.

  59. Austria? Poor Justin is not only rude, but he is too dumb to know the difference between Austria and Australia. But, perhaps Austria has brought in some kangaroos and a fancy opera house. I find myself becoming very fond of David. His wife is fortunate to have him.

    • Mein Herr, Austria had fancy opera houses many years in advance of the antipodes.
      Bitte sehen sie,

      • Probably not … given the language, hostility toward others and the lack of knowledge of the outside world, probably a Virginia Tea Party member

    • I just got back from Austria and you wouldn’t beleive the nubmer of things I saw that had the phrase “No Kangaroos” on it!

  60. Is anyone disappointed that the guy didn’t respond to the last email given that he was told to f off back to Austria while as it clearly states the guy came from Australia in the earlier email?

      • Dear Kingjohn:

        Come to Canada (doesn’t matter when, It’s always winter here when compared to your weather ;D)

        Luin, Ontario, Canada

      • Yes Luin, I agree.
        This is Grey Cup weekend (our version of the Superbowl) in Regina, Saskatchewan. Football in an outdoor stadium. The temperature today is -38C.

      • Winter in Florida is the time of year when the citrus falls off the trees and the license plates switch to Ohio and Michigan.
        -Jeff (native Floridian)

      • one of the best laughs i’ve had in my life! We all need a David in our lives to keep us sane!

    • Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had since my mom died….What a creep! Good for you for continuing to have faith that your neighbor couldn’t really be that dense or uncompromising…..Unfortunately, on that note you were wrong…My apologies – I usually have more faith in humankind as well – I guess we’re both wrong now…..Enjoy your darker evenings! Congratulations go to the victor!

      • It was funny yes. But…had David been decent and gone to the guy to talk about it face to face first and asked him to removed it, instead of deciding to take it upon himself and tresspass, the whole situation could have been avoided. If the guy refused then fair enough, start playing him up. Therefore they are both dicks. Although David is a witty dick 😉

    • I cried with laughter and I am usually very nonplussed by what i read….absolutely brilliant – I wanna share a beer with this guy

    • OMG, I can hardly type for the tears in my eyes from laughing so very, very ,hard!! David, you are awesome!

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